I was cleaning up my files today and found this:
Things I have learned while studying for the boards:
- All broken bones are due to child abuse.
- All black people have sickle cell.
- All white people have cystic fibrosis.
- All Native Americans have wacky cholesterol.
- Ships are made of pure asbestos.
- Every woman is a carrier for about fifty genetic diseases.
- Way too many people marry their siblings.
- Belligerent patients are employing some sort of defense mechanism. They are never just plain jerks.
- If you have sex, you will get gonorrhea. In your knee.
- The best way to treat an arrhythmia is to put the patient at risk for another arrhythmia.
- And if that doesn’t work, just go in with some electrodes and kill off bits of their heart muscle.
- Smoking is a risk factor for everything, including cervical cancer. Maybe that’s why there was a cigarette in the peritoneum.
- It’s always lupus.
- The most common cause of gout is “partying.” Ben Franklin: the original Animal House dude.
- The only effect of Tylenol is to keep dialysis companies in business.
- Cruise ships are sailing time bombs for Norwalk virus.
- People who lose weight have cancer and/or depression.
- If it hurts, it’s just inflammation and you’ll be fine. If it DOESN’T hurt, it’s cancer and you’ll be dead in 5 years.
At noon today I closed my books for good. What I know, I know. What I don’t — well, that’s just too bad. (But please, God of Step 1, keep the musculoskeletal stuff to a minimum.)
This has been the most surreal month of my life. I am very, very glad that tomorrow it will be over.
Perinatal polycythemia: it’s a viscous cycle.
This horrific pun has been brought to you by Friday Night Study Madness.
I’ve gone through all the basic sciences/general principles type material (Section II of First Aid), and tomorrow I’m going to take an NBME practice test to see where I stand before starting my systems-based review (the next two weeks). And then I’m going to take another practice, probably at the test center, before a week of hardcore last minute review.
Starting to lose energy. Part of me wants to take the damn exam now and get it over with — except I would most certainly fail, and then I would have to do it all over again.
I like this idea someone gave me of alternating difficult subjects with easy ones. Biochem was demoralizing, but today I whizzed through musculoskeletal, derm, genetics, and embryology like no one’s business. I even had some time left over in my afternoon session so I went back to the storage diseases. They say you shouldn’t go back — once you’re done with a subject, you’re done — but my attempts to cram a year’s worth of biochemistry into 7 hours was, shall we say, impossible.
Hopefully it won’t rain tomorrow so I can go for a run. I haven’t gone outside in three days and am starting to turn into the Madwoman in the Attic.
The plan for today was to get through First Aid and Rapid Review Biochem. But then I woke up an hour late, so I had to skip my Goljan run, and even though I technically made it through the books in 3 sessions of 3.5 hours each, I haven’t memorized the storage diseases or the lipoproteinemias. Or done QBank.
There you go, day 2 and I’m already behind schedule. This is turning out a little like my New Year’s Resolutions, broken within a week.
Today was my first real live, honest-to-goodness Boards Study Day (TM). I listened to a Goljan lecture on my morning run (yes, they are awesome and no, don’t ask me where to get them), then went to the public library from 10 AM to 5 PM to go through BRS Behavioral Science and First Aid. There is a quiet study area with cubicles, so I camped there for the day, but it turned out to be an airless, stuffy room, and the woman in the cubicle next to me kept answering her cell phone. I think I’ll have to find somewhere else to study, which might prove difficult — I checked yelp.com for “best places to study” in my suburban home town and the only result was … Spa World? Maybe coming home to study wasn’t the greatest idea after all.
Anyway, I came home when the library closed, had dinner, answered about fifteen emails, and then did two blocks’ worth of Kaplan QBank, which I bombed. As first days go, it wasn’t awful, but I could definitely do better.
Tomorrow is biochem, which will be more hardcore.