Step 1 · Step 2

I’ve got a little list

I was cleaning up my files today and found this:

Things I have learned while studying for the boards:

  1. All broken bones are due to child abuse.
  2. All black people have sickle cell.
  3. All white people have cystic fibrosis.
  4. All Native Americans have wacky cholesterol.
  5. Ships are made of pure asbestos.
  6. Every woman is a carrier for about fifty genetic diseases.
  7. Way too many people marry their siblings.
  8. Belligerent patients are employing some sort of defense mechanism. They are never just plain jerks.
  9. If you have sex, you will get gonorrhea. In your knee.
  10. The best way to treat an arrhythmia is to put the patient at risk for another arrhythmia.
  11. And if that doesn’t work, just go in with some electrodes and kill off bits of their heart muscle.
  12. Smoking is a risk factor for everything, including cervical cancer. Maybe that’s why there was a cigarette in the peritoneum.
  13. It’s always lupus.
  14. The most common cause of gout is “partying.”  Ben Franklin: the original Animal House dude.
  15. The only effect of Tylenol is to keep dialysis companies in business.
  16. Cruise ships are sailing time bombs for Norwalk virus.
  17. People who lose weight have cancer and/or depression.
  18. If it hurts, it’s just inflammation and you’ll be fine.  If it DOESN’T hurt, it’s cancer and you’ll be dead in 5 years.

Good times.

MS-4 · Step 2

Tennessee, Tennessee

I was sitting in the library like a good little med student today, doing practice questions for Step 2 while listening to my iPod. (Playlist: Third Year.) On comes “Hey Soul Sister,” and I thought, “Hey, S4 gallop!”

Am I wrong?

(Apologies to everyone for the nerdery and earworm.)