I was cleaning up my files today and found this:
Things I have learned while studying for the boards:
- All broken bones are due to child abuse.
- All black people have sickle cell.
- All white people have cystic fibrosis.
- All Native Americans have wacky cholesterol.
- Ships are made of pure asbestos.
- Every woman is a carrier for about fifty genetic diseases.
- Way too many people marry their siblings.
- Belligerent patients are employing some sort of defense mechanism. They are never just plain jerks.
- If you have sex, you will get gonorrhea. In your knee.
- The best way to treat an arrhythmia is to put the patient at risk for another arrhythmia.
- And if that doesn’t work, just go in with some electrodes and kill off bits of their heart muscle.
- Smoking is a risk factor for everything, including cervical cancer. Maybe that’s why there was a cigarette in the peritoneum.
- It’s always lupus.
- The most common cause of gout is “partying.” Ben Franklin: the original Animal House dude.
- The only effect of Tylenol is to keep dialysis companies in business.
- Cruise ships are sailing time bombs for Norwalk virus.
- People who lose weight have cancer and/or depression.
- If it hurts, it’s just inflammation and you’ll be fine. If it DOESN’T hurt, it’s cancer and you’ll be dead in 5 years.