Today was my last day of fellowship. Fifteen years of blood, sweat, and many many tears, and just like that, poof, training is over. I’m an attending!
I feel ready, but also very not ready. I have a job I’m really excited about, but carries a lot more administrative responsibility so I’m terrified of screwing up. Maybe that’s why I’m hedging my bets, academically, and trying to continue clinical research. And also revising the Carrie Buck novel? In, you know, my copious amounts of spare time. (Our research coordinator asked me the other day if I’m secretly taking Speed, because I will churn out papers overnight. No, Steph, I just have no life.)
I am also really sad about leaving my training program. There are issues with it, as with any large institution, but the people are generally well-meaning, smart, and I have learned a TON. There is also a sense of security when you’re in training, like there is always backup. Whereas as the attending, you ARE the backup. Although they asked me to stay, it wasn’t the best option in terms of the infrastructure I wanted/needed in a job, and they were aware of that. It also can be somewhat awkward to stay on after training, because there is a very real chance that you’ll never be considered a peer to the people who trained you. That’s especially true at a place as hierarchical as this.
So off I go, to a place where I know next to no one. I’ve done this enough times to know that I’ll be deeply homesick for the first year or so, but then I’ll find my book group, my writers’ group, my science society, and I’ll come to love my new city just as much as I do my current one.
So here we go: