I have a job.
I mean, it’s great to be done with training (or almost done — six months to go!) I started on this journey a dozen years ago, in January 2006, when I began studying for the MCAT. It’s been a doozy of ups and downs along the way.
There has been nothing more doozy-ing than the academic medicine job market, let me tell you.
I had very specific goals in mind for a job. I had to have movement disorders. And I had to have narrative medicine. So what I did, in early 2017, was make a list of all the academic centers that had both.
It was a small list.
Then I reached out to them individually last spring, a sort of pre-application inquiry. Like, hey, are you hiring?
One place had just hired a movement specialist the year before, so no go. Lots of places were looking for more traditional research-oriented physicians, not educators, so no go. It was stressful and dispiriting. I ate a lot of cookies.
Slowly, though, better news started filtering through. I got interviews. (Fun fact: on faculty interviews, they pay for everything! It’s an actual recruitment!) Magically, somehow, I had two offers roll in at close to the same time.
I read Getting to Yes, which multiple people had recommended to me as a “how to negotiate” book. The biggest take-away I got from it was that negotiation is about finding out where your priorities align. As someone with an inherently relational worldview, this made a lot of sense.
In my heart, there was one place where I really, really wanted to be; they were the clear front-runners since the beginning of this process. They had an opening. They had a humanities center. They had a tenure pathway for clinician-educators. I knocked the job talk out of the park. (Detailed how-to-job-talk post later.) We found multiple (multiple!) areas of alignment. The details of the offer were basically crafted around using my strengths to fill their needs. Things were looking good. I was prepared to sign. I started looking at houses on Trulia.
Something deeply deeply shitty happened. I don’t want to get into specifics, but it was confirmation of a suspected terrible pattern of behavior. I tried to set it aside for a week, pretend it didn’t happen, but I couldn’t. It was a really big deal. It was a deal-breaker.
So, I cried a lot, and then took the other offer. Then I called people at the first place, and told them, and cried even more as soon as I hung up the phone. For days after, I kept having to run out of the shared fellows’ office at clinic and go hide in the stairwell so I could cry.
That was two weeks ago. I’m no longer crying every five minutes, but I still feel really, really sad about it, especially when I tell people where I’ll be headed. Because I want to be able to say, “I’m going to FirstPlace.” I’m trying to think about all the positive things about the place I’m actually going. There are plenty of positives!
I guess what I’m trying to say, for anyone looking for advice, is not to get emotionally attached to anything in this freakish environment known as academic medicine.