clinic · PGY-4 · residency

A one-act play

Staff message from clinic nurse: Mr. Scrooge called, he has some questions about his follow-up appointment. Can you give him a call?

** ring ring **

Timid Female Voice: Hello?

Me: Hi, this is the Scrivener calling from University Hospital. I’m returning a call from Mr. Scrooge?

** hang-up sound, then silence. Our new VoIP phones don’t have a dial tone, just soul-eating silence. Dial again….

** ring ring **

Hearty Man Voice: Hello?

Me: Mr. Scrooge? This is the Scrivener, returning your call.

Hearty Man: Oh yeah! It’s about my wife. She’s not your patient, but she has a follow up with The Ghost of Christmas Past next week, and she wanted to cancel it.

Me: Uh… You’ll have to call the Ghosts’ clinic and tell the receptionist. I can’t do that myself, they are a different department.

Mr. Scrooge: Oh, ok. Can you tell me their phone number?

Me: Well, according to Google, it’s 867-5309. Sure, I’ll hold while you find a pen. 8.67. 53. 09. No, nine, nine as in … as in cat o nine tails

** Co-resident gives me the side eye **

Me: Cat. Not at, there is no at sign on a phone. Nine. Oh, hold on, let me just transfer you.

** attempt to transfer the call on the new VoIP phone, accidentally drop the call **

Me: Mr. Scrooge? Are you still there? No? Well humbug to you too.

 

Merry Christmas, all!

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