PGY-1 · residency

Alive

First up, I am shocked, every day, by how good my mood has been lately. I think I got so used to being miserable in New York that it had become my new baseline. And here, away from the noise and dust and people shoving you with baby strollers, I can actually think, and write, and be human. It’s remarkable, truly.

Which is not to say that work isn’t hard. I work long hours (but in case my program director or coordinator is reading this, I’m not breaking my duty hours! No sir!) and I feel incompetent pretty much all the time (“Uh, what’s the best formulation for repleting mag?”) and my patients are sick as stink, but at the end of the day none of that feels like it matters anymore. Because I’m learning a ton — not just on Mg repletion but also on real, actual medicine.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that for the first time in years, I feel alive.

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