After a full week of agonizing over my rank list, I sucked it up this afternoon and just put something in. Anything. I barely care any more. (No, that’s not true. I just have a headache.) And then promptly got down to the Very Important Business of reading Wikipedia. Did you know that Mayfair was named for an annual festival held there from 1686 until 1764 when the residents felt it was too lowbrow for them? Gentrification: your ticket to snobbery for more than two hundred years!
I am thoroughly annoyed at this process. Especially the post-interview contact, which by rights ought to be banned. It didn’t really sway my list, and it was pleasant to hear from PDs at programs I was interested in, but at the end of the day it made everything much harder. I like X! I like Y!
Compounded to that is the fact that I have no good advisor to turn to. This is the fault of my school and the general lack of trust between administration and students. For instance, my “confidential” advisor (whom I chose because she was supposedly not on the interview committee) was one of my interviewers.
I’m sure everything will work out as it should, but right now, I’m stressed and frustrated and don’t want to think about it.